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Flight Announcement

Discussion in 'General Open/Public Discussion' started by Strygun, 30 Dec 2005.


  1. I thought this was pretty funny.. got it in my email.

    Thanks to a retired Air Force officer for sending this
    "paraphrase" of a memorable public safety announcement from
    Alaska Air flight attendants...

    "I was flying to San Francisco from Seattle this weekend,
    and the flight attendant reading the flight safety
    information had the whole plane looking at each other like
    'what the heck?' (Getting Seattle people to look at each
    other is an accomplishment.) So once we got airborne, I took
    out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't
    forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most
    of it."

    Before takeoff... Hello and welcome to Alaska Flight 438 to
    San Francisco. If you're going to San Francisco, you're in
    the right place. If you're not going to San Francisco,
    you're about to have a really long evening.

    We'd like to tell you now about some important safety
    features of this aircraft.

    The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane
    is... the flight attendants. Please look at one now.

    There are five exits aboard this plane: two at the front,
    two over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If
    you're seated in one of the exit rows, please do not store
    your bags by your feet. That would be a really bad idea.
    Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest
    exit. Count the rows of seats between you and the exit. In
    the event that the need arises to find one, trust me, you'll
    be glad you did. (This is excellent advice, and something I
    always do.) We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that
    will blink in the direction of the exits. White ones along
    the normal rows, and pretty red ones at the exit rows.

    In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, these baggy things
    will drop down over your head. You stick it over your nose
    and mouth like the flight attendant is doing now. The bag
    won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, promise.

    If you are sitting next to a small child, or someone who is
    acting like a small child, please do us all a favor and put
    on your mask first. If you are traveling with two or more
    children, please take a moment now to decide which one is
    your favorite. Help that one first, and then work your way
    down.

    In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the
    safety features of this plane. I usually use it as a fan
    when I'm having my own personal summer. It makes a very good
    fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take it out and
    play with it now.

    Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are
    fastened low and tight about your waist. To fasten the belt,
    insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a
    pulley thing -- not a pushy thing like your car because
    you're in an airplane -- HELLO!!

    There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is
    also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming
    from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put
    you out. This is a free service we provide. There are two
    smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit.
    We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight ... hold
    on, let me check what it is .... Oh here it is; the movie
    tonight is Gone with the Wind.

    In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and
    it's going to get really dark, really fast. If you're afraid
    of the dark, now would be a good time to reach up and press
    the yellow button. The yellow button turns on your reading
    light. Please don't press the orange button unless you
    absolutely have to. The orange button is your seat ejection
    button.

    We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank
    you for choosing Alaska Air and giving us your business and
    your money. If there's anything we can do to make you more
    comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask.

    If you all weren't strapped down, you would have given me a
    standing ovation, wouldn't you?

    After landing... Welcome to the San Francisco International
    Airport. Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the
    captain's fault. It's not the copilot's fault. It's the
    Asphalt.

    Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate.
    At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the
    gate. So please don't even try.

    Please be careful opening the overhead bins because "shift
    happens."
     
  2. If there were a picture attached to this, I'd have to guess . . . blonde?
     
  3. Nearly everytime I fly Southwest Airlines the flight attendants have humorous instructions similar to those.
     
  4. I'm sending this to all of my flight attendant friends at Northwest. A little (or lot) of humor is exactly what we all need right now. Bravo! :lol:
     
  5. That's good~! :thumbsup:

    I've heard some good one-lines before from flight attendants (ex. "Please pick up all your belongings, Its too hard to chase you down the gangway, and once you leave the airport, we'll have a really hard time finding you." etc.)

    ~PM~
     
  6. In my experience Alaska has always had a humorous flair.
     
  7. Now that's the way flights should be!

    Had one a long while back that was doing the standard "please don't use electronices..." spiel. As we all dazed out during the mandatory 5th reading of the list of electronics we suddenly heard items like Chainsaw being mentioned, waking us all up...

    Points to the flight attendants that do their job and do it REALLY well! :)

    -qor72
     

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