There's a storm coming...

It lives inside me and has ever been still but I can feel it deep down in my soul now. All my consentration and all my decipline are bringing me to the storm.

The court has ordered that I must go to one counesling session with my soon to be X-wife. This woman tries nothing more than to hurt me day in and day out and now I have to be in a room with her for an hour? Now here is the strange part. I have disconnected her from my heart. While I will always care about her... I stopped giving her access to my feelings. She can't hurt me anymore and she knows it... and it pisses her off. I work nights and she will call me in the early morning, while I am sleeping, to ask me a question that has no urgency. Like say "what time are you picking Lydia up, James." I always get my daughter from daycare in the mornings. She just knows I sleep in the morning and wants to bother me.

Sometimes she will sit on the phone with me and stop talking. All I want to do is hang up and chill but she wants to talk. Sometimes she just calls and yells at me. She always tries to make me the bad guy. A few times she has gone as far as to call me a bad parent. She's always trying to strike a nerve like that.

No matter what it is she tries I feel no pain. (Here's where a few of you might get your laugh) I truely believe God protects me from her.

When I think about my situation I also believe it is for the best. I was miserable with her. I just can't stop but feel sorrow for my daughter. No matter what she loses something I always wanted her to have. You see I never had a true mom and dad in the same house so I always wanted to be able to give my child what I never had. I should have choosen a better wife so she wouldn't have to deal with this but so be it.

I will be there for my daughter day in day out or not at all. I will not torture my child into a life with divorced parents fighting eachother. I love her too much to cause her emotional pain. I never "truely" knew my father. I have talked to him but not much more. So I understand what is at stake.

I can really feel it now. The storm inside me just waiting till later this month when we end this marriage. I'm already schedualed to arrive in Hawaii.. all I need to do is eliminate this marriage, throw my stuff in storage, and fly to the high life. I'm tired of being poor.

I'll tell you if I see that CDL logo still in the sand.

 

Heh heh it rhymes.


I'm not worried about my future. It's what i can't control that bothers me. I can't protect my daughter if I'm not with her.
I watch my child like a hawk. I used to have to because my wife was so dirty but now it's part of me. It's really strange, the power my daughter has over me. I understand my daughter better than my wife could ever imagine. There was a time when she didn't know who she was.

Blah..

emotional outburst

 

Oh I deffinatly want to hear this story.



"Once upon a time there was Gayzer"