Figure Dane will get a kick out of this.

Well I think its hilarious!

"Quel est la victoire? Je ne sais pas ce mot."
"Il n'y a pas gagner en français, seulement lamenter. "

Two times we save their skin and now they're stuck in pms mode

Anyway... don't wanna flame the Frenchies... they did help out in the Revolutionary War... some at least... yet I digress

 

That is because they were afraid we would kick their buttocks in next.

 

A little French History, care of Aunti...

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? No one knows ... it's never been done!

"Worrying about going to war without France is like worrying about going deer hunting without an accordion."


The Complete Military History of France

* Gallic Wars - Lost. _In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

* Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

* Italian Wars - Lost. _France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

* Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

* Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

* War of Devolution - Tied. _Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

* The Dutch War - Tied

* War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. _Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

* War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. _The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

* American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. _This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

* French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

* The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. _Temporary victories (remember the First
Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

* The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. _Germany first plays the role of "drunk frat boy" to France's "ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night".

* World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein"._Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

* World War II - Lost. _Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

* War in Indochina - Lost. _French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the "Dien Bien Flu".

* Algerian Rebellion - Lost. _Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." _This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

* War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempt to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fails after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

 

Three Cheers to Racewiz for such an excellent post!

I thoroughly enjoyed your exposition on the military history of France. Both insightful and entertaining.

(i mean, Italy sucked so bad they had to take on Ethiopia to find some sort of victory; how sad for France )

The Italians actually did more for the Allied cause in World War II with their invasion of Greece (their ineptitude requiring German assistance and thus a set back of the German offensive in Operation Barbarossa-the invasion of unsuspecting Russia) than the Frenchies did. Had the German offensive taken place according to the original time tables, the Germans would have had a considerably longer drive before General Winter got in the mix; who knows how much more they could have advanced into Russia (with the corresponding losses of Russian divisions and such locations as Moscow and possibly Stalingrad and Leningrad). I think that most can recognize the dramatic shift that would have occured had Russia been taken out of the picture by early 1942 or even 1943. This is, of course, conjecture, but a *potential* outcome of a German offensive given the initial time tables planned for.

All in all, 5 out of 5 stars for Racewiz

 

Most definitly a 5-star post.

Poor France.... =)

 

Just so you know this information has been circlulating around for a while. I didn't write it, just copied and pasted. The Author is unknown to me.

Check this out as well.

http://www.voiceone.com/html/travel.html#france

 

Why the French won't help us.

True Story.....


I was in San Francisco with a friend doing a little Christmas shoppig, and we decided to get a cup of coffe at one of these fancy expresso places. So we go in and I order my coffe, and the guy behind the counter has this 'Peppie le Phew' accent that I couldn't help but laugh at.

So I turn to my buddy and say 'Get a load of the frog' and I begin to mock the way he speaks and acts as well as loudly mocking the entire country of France. At one point I even waved a napikn around and joked that I was a French Soilder Surrendering.

About the time I got my coffe (and more then one dirty look) I realized the pretty much everyone in the coffe shop had been French, and they were not quite as impressed with my humor as I was. So my friend is trying to get me out of there before I cuase an international incident, and on the way out I asked "Where the hell did all those frogs come from?"

To which he replied "Proably the French Embasy" as he pointed directly across the street to the FrenchEmbassy.

Oops.

So now you know why France is so unsuportive. It was all because of me laughing at their diplomats in the coffe shop across the street from the French Embass in SF.

 

WOW!

Open mouth insert foot.

They hated you because you spoke some truth.

 

One for Racewiz and our other Game Makers.


French Army to Market 'Ultimate Surrender' Video Game

 

speaking of San Fran. I think I'm going there this summer. What's it like Dane?

 

It's the most beautiful city in the world, and all of the talk about the Homo's is out of proportion. If you don't go to the Castro, and aren't there on Gay Pride day you won't even notice them.

Visit the Tourist places like Pier 39, and Fishermans Warf, but if you have the time try and take in some of the Historical sites as well. Visit Coit Tower, and Fort Point, go walk around the Ruins of the Sutro Bath House, visist Alcatraz and take a tour.

You'll find out why that song "I left my heart in San Francisco" was written.

Oh, and bring a coat. It's only warm there in September/October. Mark Twain was right on the money when he said "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."

 

I've been in SanFran once... I lived in Oregon for about 6 months and a group of friends went down there for a conference....

We did some of the tourist spots...

but my fav was getting my picture with the Rice a Roni trolley!!