"how To Bathe The Cat"

"6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective"



It started turning into a story and not a list but it was still good.

 

This was hilarious, Dane.

 

lmao!

i can jus picture doing that with all 3 of my cats in there at once. they'd go nuts and my dog would run around barking. then my smary one would knock all my family's fragile possessions off our shelves cause he's a dirty little bastard

 

Lol...now I've got to go find some stray cats [because I would never do that to my dogs ]

 

never work with a dog anyway .thay LIKE toilets..

 

LOL@Dane... "5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this). "

 

edit:guess i should tell everyone what this is lol

Secret cat diaries:

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

 

Re: edit:guess i should tell everyone what this is lol

I enjoyed that immensly.

 

LOL, Whoha!!!

 

ROFL -That is some funny shiat Whoah

 

*said in friendly voice*
If you guys/girls are imitating the army it is "Hoo ah".

 

Dogs and Light-bulbs

Sorry if this offends you Dane

HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

Beagle: "I'm tangled in this blanket, and I like the dark."

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!

Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . .

Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

 

Fox .. that is sooooo funny..

And soooo true.

 

What would the Great Dane do?

 

Hmmm. I don't know...

Great Dane: I didn't mean to break the light bulb, it was an accident! Honest! [Or: Sorry about the light-bulb, it was an accident ]

 

Oh yeah...almost forgot:

Fox: I'm nocturnal you idiot. You go fix the light-bulb.

 

Ham: whats a lightbulb? who wants a sandwitch?