If you ever want to Date my Daughter

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by
a complete financial statement, school history, job history,
ancestral lineage, photo ID, DMV printout, a current medical report and
drug test results from your doctor, and three references.

A processing fee of $64.00 (cash only) must also be included.
NAME _________________________________
DAYTIME PHONE NUMBER ______________________
HOME ADDRESS ________________________________
CITY/STATE _____________
ZIP __________
DATE OF BIRTH __________
HEIGHT/WEIGHT ___________
HAIR COLOR & LENGTH __________
SOCIAL SECURITY # ____________________
DRIVERS LICENSE _____________________________
IQ _____________
GPA _____________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES ______________________
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? YES ____ NO _______
If NO, please explain
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Numbers of years they have been married: ________
If less than your age, explain
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Do you own or have access to:
A van? Yes ______ No ______
A truck or car with oversized tires? Yes ______ No ______
A waterbed? Yes ______ No ______
A pickup with a mattress in the back? Yes ______ No ______
A condom? Yes ______ No ______
Pornography? Yes ______ No ______

Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or tattoo?
Yes______ No ______

If you answered YES to any of the above questions, DISCONTINUE
application and leave the premises.

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Church you attend _______________________________
How often _________________________

What was the reason your last girlfriend dumped you?
_____________________________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:
FATHER ____ am ____ pm
MOTHER ____ am ____ pm
PRIEST ____ am ____ pm
PREVIOUS GIRLFRIEND ____ am ____ pm
PAROLE OFFICER ____ am ____ pm

Answer the following by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all
answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:
_____________________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
_____________________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:
_____________________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
_____________________________________________________________________

E: When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice is her:
_____________________________________________________________________

NOTE: If answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises
while keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is
strongly advised.

F: What is the current going rate of a hotel room?
_____________________________________________________________________

G: The drug store sells condoms in packages of (circle one):
A: 3
B: 6
C: 9
D: 12
E: I don't know because I buy them in bulk quantities from the
manufacturer.


H: The last girl that I dated had a bra that used:
A: 1 hook
B: 2 hooks
C: 3 hooks
D: a snap in the front and was easy to remove.

I: My car or truck is equipped with the following (check all that
apply):
____ A very large & wide front (or rear) bench seat
____ Front buckets seats that fold down flat
____ A gun rack
____ A V8 engine with over 300 horsepower (best mile time:_______)
____ A 6000 watt stereo that is louder then most jet planes

J: What do you want to do IF you grow up?
_____________________________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN
ANT TORTURE, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, CASTRATION,
ELECTROCUTION, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

________________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron)

_____________________________________________________________________

Thank you for your interest in my daughter.
Please allow four to six years for processing. Please do not try to
call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) while
waiting for processing.

If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing.
We will then schedule a pre-date meeting with my daughter, myself, and
the armed, off-duty police officers who will tail you during the date.
On the evening of the date, please arrive at least 30 minutes early so
that your auto may be searched and a final urine sample taken.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman
wearing black shirts and white ties carrying violin cases (you might
want to watch your back).

All decisions are final, but you may reapply in 50 years.


DO NOT MARK BELOW THIS LINE - OFFICIAL USE ONLY
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Final judgment & disposition:
Approved ________ Rejected ________ Kill Him ________