Jokes ala Vong's other forum whoring

Joke 1

Drinking

A couple of drinkin' buddies, who are POL handlers are on the flight line at Campbell Army Airfield, (Ft. Campbell, KY); it's fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?" The other one says, "Nah, but I hear you can drink JP-8, and that it will kinda give you a buzz." So they drink it, get smashed and have a great time; like only drinkin' buddies can do.

The following morning, one of them wakes up and he knows his head will explode if he gets up, but it doesn't. He gets up and feels good, in fact, he feels great- NO hangover! The phone rings, it's his buddy. The buddy says, "Hey, how do you feel?" He said, "I feel great!!" And the buddy says, "I feel great too!! You don't have a hangover?" And he says, "No- that JP-8 is great stuff- no hangover - we ought to do this more often." "Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing....."

"What's that?"

"Did you fart yet?"

"No...!?"

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Alaska!!"


Joke 2

Differential Theory with Special Forces

Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operation (AO):

* Paratrooper: Kills the snake.

* Armor: Runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes.

* Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere kitty . . . Ouch! Hey, that's not a kitty cat."

* Infantry (alt): "Ugh! Me see snake. Me like snake. Ouch! Me no like snake."

* Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Couldn't find snake. Back to base for crew rest and the club and some sort of drink called "The Snake"

* Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.

* Ranger (alt): Assaults the snake's home and secures it for use by friendly snakes.

* SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.

* Corps Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants are awarded Silver Stars. (Cooks, Mechanics, Legal Clerks etc.)

* Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost

* Combat Controller: Guides the snake elsewhere.

* Pararescue: Wounds the snake in first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.

* Special Forces: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.



Joke 3

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least,rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream - then suddenly, there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

 

yeah, my fav is the first one though...


get your Homab yet?

 

Umm...notice my timestamp...