Not Likely To Be Seen On A T-shirt!

NOT LIKELY TO BE SEEN ON A T-SHIRT!

1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6) Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.

7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9) Earth ... is the insane asylum for the universe.

10) I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

11) "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room spinning-medicine."

12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

13) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.

14) I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather.
...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

15) God must love stupid people; He made so many of them.

16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

17) It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.

18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

19) Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

20) Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

21) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!

22) "That's It! I'm Calling Nana!" (seen on an 8-year old)

23) "Wrinkled.... Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

24) "Procrastinate..... Now"

25) "Rehab..... Is for Quitters"

26) "My Dog.... Can Lick Anyone"

27) "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"

28) "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)

29) "Finally 21, and Legally Able to do Everything I've been doing since I was 15"

30) "Arkansas: One Million People and 15 last names"

31) "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."

32) "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN"

33) "A hangover is the wrath of grapes"

34) "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance"

35) "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

36) "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music"

37) "They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken"

38) "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"

39) "Time is fun when you're having flies"...Kermit the Frog

40) "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ... Cops have nothing to go on."

41) "FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."

42) "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"

43) "HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig."

44) "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."

45) "The trouble with life is there's no background music."

46) "The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson."

47) "MOP AND GLOW - The Floor Wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team."

48) "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!

49) You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

50) Help I'm a lesbian trapped in the body of a big, fat ugly biker.

51) Beer it's not just for breakfast anymore.

51) If you can read this the B*&^% feel off. (back of bikers T)

53) Do I look like I %^&%en feel off? (back of biker chicks T)

54) Will F*&^ for beer.

55) Honk if you have never seen someone shot from a moveing Harley.

56) Oh sorry I musta left my A Hole magnet on again.

57) What am I? fly papper for idiots.

58) Silly yuppie! Trailors are for boats.

59) I road my bike to your trailor convention.

And the best one I saw at M.B. this year.
A helmet sticker that said.
60) F**k OFF! I already have enough friends

61) Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

62) Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?

63) I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

64) Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

65) I hate everybody, and you're next.

66) Please don't make me kill you.

67) And your point is...?

68) I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.

69) I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.

70) Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

71) Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.

72) You KNOW you want me.

73) Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time...

74) Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.

75) Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

76) I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

77) You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

78) Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

79) You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

80) All stressed out and no one to choke.

81) I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

82) How can I miss you if you won't go away?

83) Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

84) If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.

85) Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.

86) I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.

87) Two wrongs don't make a right but Three rights make a left.

88) When a hammer is your only tool, all your problems look like nails.

89) If you didn't vote, you have nothing to say.


90) The foolish neither forgive nor forget, the naive forgive and forget, the wise forgives, but never forgets.

91) People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it is safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

92) "You don't win a war by dying for your county; You win a war by making the other SOB die for his country." - General Patton

93) Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers