pathological liar or attention whore?

I'll give you a couple hints about Social Services...

Rule number one, play their game. They hate it when you change the rules.

Rule Number 2, try to work it out with out a lawyer, see rule number 1.

I know that is not an issue but from past experinces with my sisters family keep that in mind.

I have seen this before within my family. It comes down to attention. She needs to find out where she fits in the family. It can be hard and your parents need to see this and try to change their focus to her. It needs to be a good focus. It might be simple items like openly praising her for good work at school or home projects, giving her more responability and other such things help. She needs to fill important. She maybe but doesn't realize it. Just my 2 cents.

 

Wow this girl has as many issues as a magazine stand.

Yes, its all about getting attention. Some people just require a lot and the ways in which they try to get it are unhealthy. This is a great example of an unhealthy emotional state, probably a low self esteem.

 

She wants sympathy. Everything you described her lying about seems like more than just to get attention. She's basically telling everybody that her life is much worse than it really is and wants people to feel sorry for her. The fact that your parents couldn't catch her lies just encouraged her, making her think that she can fool everyone with this method. That's a dangerous age to be doing that though, because sure, at first it will work and people will be nice to her out of sympathy. But they'll catch on sooner or later and she will become an outcast if it keeps up.

I don't really have much experience with kids, but personally I would let your sister know that she is going to lose the respect and friendship of everybody important to her if she keeps doing this, and that could lead to much deeper psychological problems than lying.

 

you can go many routes or many different reasons for this behavior...my take on it..something is missing...there is something missing in her life...can't nail that down and i don't pretend to be able to...whether its attention or what...but oftentimes..there is like a void in a persons life...and people feel like they need to fill that void with something...a person can choose to fill it with positive influences or negative ones...real or imagined...its a very difficult balance....and at that age its difficult to figure out what are harmless "fills" and what can be detrimental to yourself and those around you...the difficulty lies in how outsiders or family members approach it...when approaching someone with this one must be ready for anything...imagine the worst possible scenario and be ready to deal with it then...because the wrong thing or the wrong attitude can create a downward spiral that can lead to more or worse of said behavior...its a delicate balance of tuff love that should be used in dealing with it...too much love or too much tuff...can create resentment or the acceptance of said behavior...very fine line..and i wish you luck...for your sister and for the rest of your family... <3

 

My sister is the same. She was born with a hole in her heart that was supposed to seal up during birth, but took much longer and she had pneumonia. My parents were afraid she was going to die at any time and felt so sorry for her, they let her get away with everything throughout childhood and lavished her with lots of attention and pity.

She got to where she would seek out situations in which she could be victimized in order to get her dose of pity and attention. She would antagonize people until they reacted, then pretend like she was the innocent victim and my parents fell right into it and kept feeding her all the pity she desired.

My sister is the most accomplished and convincing liar. I love her and I understand that this is the way her personality developed. My parents reenforced that without realizing it.

 

Howdy -
I just saw this thread. Gosh, I hope that this all works out.
Many things that people said here are genuine nuggets of wisdom. Sort them all out in your head, apply them as you feel is best.
The real clutch here is your sister and your parents. When it comes down to it (and it will) lines will be drawn. When that time comes, understand where everyone is coming from and appreciate their situation. Your sister herself may not know why she is lying, or perhaps not even realize that she is lying. (Many people who are Bi-Polar are passive-aggressive and will 'snap' at anyone. Even a most loved one - and they never realize it. Not unless it is brought to their attention.)

If you want to know why (younger) people state falsehoods, many of the reasons are
- to keep parents happy with them,
- so they won’t get in trouble,
- to cover embarrassment
- to cover/deflect inadequacy,
- they don’t/can't make the clear distinction between what's real and what's not.
- they lie to emulate another person or character.

Remember that as we teach them the value of truth...there will be bumps and unexpected twists in the road. In my experience, honesty and patience win out in the long run.
This is NOT something you will solve overnight. Qualities you and your family will need to over come this and be successful for all are
Self Sacrifice (Refrain from some of your own 'personal' wants and needs to help out in this situation)
Be Genuine (Speak from the heart, and let them know you do)Have Courage (Its okay to be afraid, its not okay to be completely fearless)
Lead by Example (Walk the Walk & Talk the Talk)Be Knowledgeable (You have a great insight to your family - I have conjecture. Research and apply what you know)Communicate (Don't lecture or be condescending. Speak vis-a-vis, openly and supportively)
Lead/Inspire (EVERY PERSON has a sign that is not invisible once you know it is there. "I want to make a difference." She has that sign - find a better method for her)

...I'm sure there are more but its 1 AM and I'm tired...

As you know, this road will not be easy. People can often be most dangerous when they feel they are "trapped", and there will be times when something you say and/or do will get twisted. For instance =
"Its you. YOU are the one - you are the liar, and you went to CDL because you were afraid, and you needed help from your on-line people that have no lives outside a chat-room...." etc... (You get the idea.)

Best of luck to you, and all those involved. Including your sister.

~PM~

 

good post, pm. Some other reasons people lie are personality disorders or mental illness.

There are actually people who can't really remember the details of events that just happened so when they re-tell it they fill in the blanks with lies, only they don't realize they are lying.

...kinda similar to the blind spot every one of us has in our vision that our mind fills in for us so we don't notice it.


And some people lie so they can feed on pity, fringe benefits and reaction of others. It's like a drug. There was a girl I used to work with in college who had everyone convinced she was dying of some form of rare cancer and whenever she wanted a day off she would say she needed chemo. If ever she wanted out of anything, she said she was in pain. People treated her very well and admired her for being so brave and strong but one of the women from work visited her house one day and mentioned how much she admired this girl to her mother...her mother was in shock. It was all lies.

I don't think she did it just to get the days off, I think she also liked the way people admired her and treated her with so much kindness and consideration in every situation. She liked being favored.

 

but this begs the question, how much lying is too much? In our society lying is acceptable and profitable ...unless you get caught.

In our society it's ok for a realtor to mention only the good points of a property and forget to tell you about the crappy stuff because they're making a living. I look at this as stealing out of someone's pocket but in a more passive and socially acceptable way than the guy who clubs you on the back of the head and runs off with your wallet. At least the guy with the club is honest with himself and others about what he is. We've got politicians...I won't go any further on that one.

We've got false advertising up the wazoo...people do this because it makes them richer, more famous, more favored. Women with fake breasts and bleached out hair. Men with toupee...

Our social and economic structure would entirely crumble if everyone was expected to be honest.

 

I missed that one~!

~PM~