The Daily Funnay

12 Reasons Why We Have Not Been Back to the Moon​

1. TSA confiscates moon tools and helmets at gate
2. Funds diverted to keeping down the invading lava pterodactyls from below
3. “Moon landing” soundstage dismantled in 1981
4. Astronauts worried that Gawker will make fun of their outfits
5. RIAA claims 80% royalty on any data sent back by radio
6. Ugly breakup between Harrison Schmitt and Princess Allurina Luna makes things uncomfortable for Earthlings
7. Nobody at NASA willing to miss the possible release of Duke Nukem Forever
8. Congress refuses to lift ban on off-world oil drilling
9. There’s nothing about rockets in The Bible
10. Issues between Roger Waters and David Gilmour not yet fully resolved
11. Ever since he saw Superman II, President Bush has been afraid we might run into General Zod
12. Eh, we’re really more into knitting these days

10 Things We Are Looking Forward to Now That the Large Hadron Collider is Running​

Link for those going "What the hell is a Hadron Collider and why am I interested?"

1. Suddenly much harder to get particle beams insured
2. Brief, sudden portal to empty dimension where we can dump all those Sansas
3. The return of that battleship we lost in the Philadelphia Experiment
4. Last minute lawsuit from Fox that claims they have rights to make a Hadron Collider and they just now noticed it
5. Crazed Doctor McCoy falls through, meets a woman, has to watch her die to stop the Nazis
6. "Hadron" replaces "Caden" as the hot new name for baby boys
7. All Swiss chocolate now tastes a little strange but no one knows why
8. New particle discovered, named after Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog
9. Fred Phelps opens godhatesbosons.com
10. Buyer’s remorse from the scientists as they realize that the Extra Large Hadron Collider was only thirty nine cents more